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last monsoon, you told me that mangoes are not always sweet.
you were grumpy and you walked away.
"choose the sweet ones, then", i said as an afterthought.
but you were gone.
and you did not listen.
it is winter now.
i wish it snowed here.
then i could watch you rant and rage about how you are stuck inside and can not possibly leave.
yes, you would not be able to walk away anymore.
and then you could listen to what i have to say.
about sunshine and woolens and cantaloupes.
yes, you would know that i wanted to be with you under a cantaloupe someday.
maybe today.
but it does not matter.
you left.
and you left the door ajar.
and now, the cold december wind gushes in as an afterthought.
yes, afterthoughts.
that is what this is all about.
no, i don't like the beaches.
i'll go, still.
i wish you'd go to all those concerts we missed because you did not want to go.
i am going because you told me that you'll pick me up in an hour.
it is going to be 178 minutes in 24 seconds.
you dream of owning a 2008 Ferrari Scuderia.
i still depend on dad for my pocket money and part-time writing does not pay me as much.
please don't be mad at me for buying you the Hot Wheels version instead.
i still have the wilted red rose you gave me on my birthday.
i hope you know that i love you.
and i hope you hope that i hope the same.
hope.
it has been 194 minutes and 47 seconds.
you are too full of love.
share it.
spread the love this christmas.
and spread your hands and receive the love.
i love christmas.
every bit of it.
it makes me feel brilliant about myself.
most importantly, it makes me feel happy.
it is not about buying and receiving presents.
it is about realising the love that exists in one's love.
it is about showing the people you love that you care.
and you love them too.
merry christmas.
i wish i could take a rainbow and slide into anew dimension with orange and red butterflies sprinkling golden faery dust on my head as my feet touch the satin blue ground and my little gnomes scurry around me and i jump back startled but then i smile and i know that this is the world where i belong for this is the world which exists in my head where life is not black and white or shades of gray but is full of all the colours that human imagination can come up with and thus help make a world which is more real to me than the reality that encompasses me where people are too busy drowning themselves in their flood of tears without bothering to mop it up and make way for the niceties that would fill them up with the happiness they would otherwise never know and would thus forget the very essence of living and the root cause of existence which is not to die but to live so big that one could never die as one would then be able to transcend mortality and fill the air around them with a warmth that would be as comforting as a sunny winter morning full of smiles and those little butterflies and five feet wide water lilies and the sound of the labourous water axing at the rock giants at the bottom of the cliff and purifying everything that comes in its way and washing away all the negativity that is without you.
you smiled right now, didn't you?
and all of it is seems like a blur.
a picture, a tad bit unclear,
held up by a frame hangs on the wall.
bruised,
and torn,
and broken.
only to be seen by you,
the mender of things.
stitch them back, those fragments
of the dream you once weaved.
colour the sky,
with shades of blue
and purple
and a hint of orange.
spread your wings,
and soar high.
and swim.
cerulean velvet,
washing the sheets of gold.
go dive,
and paddle,
and throw your tiny arms around,
and smile.
i can see from the shore.
you little mender of things,
glueing back the torn shards,
and singing and laughing so hard
that the muscles of your belly
are giving way.
your eyes are leaking
because of the pains of joy;
the joy of containing the world within you.
the land,
the sky,
the sea.
the echoing hilarity
washes my feet.
you touch me.
the hunters are out to bring down those birds in the sky.
there is blood everywhere.
and, there are cries.
i am silently weeping.
and shaking.
my hands feel numb as i am typing right now.
my eyes are hot.
my insides are squirming and i feel like screaming.
i haven't felt this angry in a very long time.
it was about 12.15 in the night when my sister woke me up and called me to the TV room.
i could hardly sleep after that.
i hope that people see light now.
and they grieve and cry like me.
i hope people are shaking and trembling like me.
the time has come for history to repeat itself.
it is time for WWIII.
and this time, it shall not be fought amongst countries.
this time, it will be a war against Satan.
the time has come for the sphinx to rise.
and devour everything that comes in the way of humanity.
i hate this blame game people are playing.
blaming the system and the government for everything that is happening.
they are terrorist attacks, for crying out loud!
they'd happen even if the system was flawless.
the armed forces are out there risking their lives, and even dying, so that your brother or sister or parents or friends can get out of the hotels safely.
14 policemen have already lost their lives.
and you still say that the system is callous and useless?
and you blame the government then.
the government is the reason why relief is being brought at its present rate.
without that, we'd all be finished.
we need to rise above all of this now.
it is time to nurse back this world to good health.
it is time to fight.
wake up.
humanity needs you.
feel.
feel pain.
this isn't a war on mumbai.
it is a war on the world.
it is a war on mankind.
"the joker has struck."
its her birthday today, my bestest friend's.
:D
total yayness.
:D
and this be for her, totally.
and plis drop wishes for her here?
i'll force her to see it.
and she shall turn red and funny.
plis?
we were in the car, talking about inane things.
my dad and i were having a fight over the pair of shoes he was wearing.
i spent half an hour in the morning brainwashing him, explaining how the brown ones looked dorkish and that he ought to wear the black ones.
he brought up the topic again and so, yes, we were "fighting".
it is best to skip the part where my sister or my mother would pass some extremely out-of-the-blue comment and we'd all be in splits.
that is my family.
but, we are deviating from the topic again.
so, yes, there was the fight.
we were somewhere near 'elite' (it is this perfectly snobbish but otherwise useless gift store) when my mother suddenly went all straight faced and said
"PEOPLE DON'T SMILE ANYMORE".
the ass that i am, i commented that sensex and dow jones is not really giving anyone a reason to smile, and hence, people don't smile.
*duh*
and yes, WE obviously did start laughing after that.
it was after the laughter died that i caught myself staring outside the window, gaping at the world outside.
people keep talking about how things have changed.
how people are too busy to see around them.
but the sun is still shining, isn't it?
is it that difficult to smile?
and not be troubled for a while?
to love the life given to you?
and hug and love yourself a bit too?
there are problems.
we all have them.
but has taking them seriously and worrying oneself about it ever really helped anyone?
haven't we all lied down on our backs thinking of a life where things wouldn't be this difficult?
where we could be the way we liked without anyone making an issue out of it?
without having to worry about what your boss would say about your behaviour.
without having to think about how your friends would react to your day's clothes selection.
without having to care about the world and its ways.
we all want a life like that.
only that we don't realise that we can have that life if we reach out for it.
you can never relate to your boss because you don't want him to relate to you.
you don't like him because you don't make yourself likeable to him.
you think about your friends judging you because you never understood your friends.
your friends would love you even if you turned up at maddox during durga puja wearing your halloween costume.
you care about the world because you keep yourself away from it.
be a part of it.
you think too much.
you need to feel a bit more.
life is a long journey.
only that we have very little time.
breathe.
laugh.
shout.
cry.
hop.
skip.
jump.
trip.
this life is yours.
smile.
no.
i don't think there is anything fun in not doing anything.
especially when there is so much to do.
and i realise that i should choose those tasks which will actually make a difference.
something like organising a march against Global Warming.
but here i am, doing random tags.
and all thanks to her.
RULE #1 People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs and replace any question that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.
RULE #2 Tag 6 people to do this quiz and those who are tagged cannot refuse. These people must state who they were tagged by and cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by. Continue this game by sending it to other people.
1. If your lover betrayed you what would your reaction be? Aah, well. Let's not talk about this.
2. If you could have one dream come true which one would it be? Blow up the world with a nanometer of an atom bomb. Actually, no. I think I'd choose to blow up only those people who lack gray matter. No, seriously. You really need to do something about yourself before that day comes. Else, I'd be forced to become a suicide bomber. Achmed style. Totally.
3. Whose butt would you like to kick? See. There is no liking and all that. If I want to, I will. But the point is, I think I am a bit too good for meaningless *ahem* violence. So, :)
4. What would you do with a billion dollars?Buy all those things I can't right now and pull myself out of penury. OR, I might even end up oggling at all that money for the rest of my life and scream "Are you serious? You must be kidding, HAH!"
5. Will you fall in love with your best friend? See, if I knew so much about what I will be doing, I would have been Bill Gates by now!
6. Which is more blessed: loving someone or being loved by someone?Neither? Or, ah well! forget it.
7. How long would you wait for someone you love? Can I say that I hate this question? It is the stupidest question ever asked, you know!
8. If the person you like is secretly attached, what would you do? Kill that bitch! No, seriously, what do you think I am? AND, chances are that every guy I like will be secretly attached. And I am still not behind the bars.
9. If you could root for one social cause which one would it be? Adult literacy. WHY DOES NO ONE GIVE IT THE IMPORTANCE IT DESERVES? My point is simple. If you want the future to be educated, you really need to do something about the present.
10. What takes you down the fastest? Don't know. No, really. I don't know.
11. Where do you see yourself in 10 years' time?Sitting in front of the computer monitor, blogging about things better than stupid tags.
12. What's your fear? Dying without telling everyone how much they mean to me. My folks, especially.
13. What kind of person(s) do you think the person who tagged you is/are?Jealous and pseudo-stupid.
14. Would you rather be single and rich or married and poor? Married and poor. I can work my way up to the top. So, I'd eventually end up with both the highs.
15. What is the first thing you do when you wake up? Fall asleep again.
16. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously who would you pick? Knowing me, that would never happen. I'd end up too mindfucked if that happened.
17. Would you give all in a relationship? Depends. But no, not always. I always believe that there should be a sense of mystery. That's what keeps the interest alive.
18. What's eating you now? Sore throats.
19. Do you prefer being single or in a relationship? Depends on my state of mind.
20. Tag 6 people... WHY? Anyway, I'd REQUEST everyone who reads this to do it. Please?
And sorry Pinkie, I can't do the second tag. Five is too small a number. There are just too many.
Thank you, come again.
"I have a dream that one day man will NOT be judged by the colour of their skin but by the content of their character."
--Martin Luther King, during the famous "I have a dream" speech in August, 1963
45 years later, this dream has been realised.
The world cried tears of joy when another black American addressed at the end of a fruitful 22-month long campaign as the newly elected president of the United States of America.
"If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a place where all things are possible, who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive in our time, who still questions the power of our democracy, tonight is your answer."
There must be gazillion people worldwide already blogging about what is mankind's biggest victory so far, each having a different story to tell.
Like me.
Since yesterday, I haven't been able to stop smiling.
The goosebumps don't want to stop and I have a lump in my throat.
My eyes are burning hot with tears.
I am a non-American.
But I know that this is not about America, or India or even Kenya.
It is much bigger than the lines drawn by man.
It is about what binds every human together.
It is about bringing back hope when people can't walk anymore.
It is about bringing back the first ray of sunshine after a dark night which was not wanting to come to an end.
My father asked me the other day why I wanted Obama to win.
I said that I thought that he is a man who is going to do great things.
Not just for America, but for the world.
If he is strong enough to be able to rise above creed and colour, he is strong enough to shoulder humanity.
"To those - to those who would tear the world down: We will defeat you. To those who seek peace and security: We support you. And to all those who have wondered if America's beacon still burns as bright: Tonight we proved once more that the true strength of our nation comes not from the might of our arms or the scale of our wealth, but from the enduring power of our ideals: democracy, liberty, opportunity and unyielding hope. "
We have talked about Kennedy.
We have talked about Luther King.
Now, let us talk about Barack Hussein Obama.
no.
there is absolutely no point.
none at all.
*nods head*
12 days of killing heat, vegetarian food, old forts, ruins and 600+ pictures later, i am back!
woo hoo!
okay.
the trip was brilliant.
it was.
i think i did loads of things other tourists don't usually do.
thanks to an uncle who accompanied us.
anil uncle was born and brought up in this village called ratangarh.
and so, he knew what to do best.
so yes, he successfully gave us a taste of the little extras.
for example, our first night was spent in a guest house in ratangarh.
the next day's lunch happened at one of anil uncle's friend's place.
and blah blah blah.
no, the trip was not always the woo-hoo-what-fun-i-am-so-happy trip.
there were times when i felt anger like i have never felt before.
i met a girl of my age.
she is getting married in a matter of a few months.
a really old village head was suprised how i wasn't married yet with 5 kids.
and somehow, its NOT funny at all.
i have never felt the urge to hit people so bad.
somehow, progress feels so pointless.
rajasthan is a really pretty place.
i realised that i used the word 'pretty' a bit too much.
but, hell!
anyway.
yes, so.
rajasthan!
brilliant place!
there were many pretty shots that i missed.
and that would obviously happen when one is travelling in a group of 17.
no one waits.
so that was a bit disappointing.
i rolled in a sand a bit too much.
as a result of which a bit it even managed to make its way into my cellphone and my camera.
YES!
MY CAMERA!
its working though, unlike this other uncle's video camera.
his camera's moving parts stopped working.
the lens of my camera doesn't shut anymore.
:(
i need to show it at a shop soon.
arrghhh.
anyway.
that's all i want to say.
nothing more.
because if i get into details, i wouldn't know where to start and where to stop.
so yes, thank you.
new blog banner.
:D
bwahahahdagfsadhksd.
this post is not supposed to be fulfilling any purpose other than wasting precious webspace.
enjoy.
:)
okay.
this post has been long overdue.
it is funny how everyone is catching up with the achmed fever.
oh, no.
wait.
its not a fever.
no.
achmed is a way of life.
yes.
thank you sumi for introducing me to achmed.
now, the important part is the importance of achmed.
you see, i have a very short attention span.
and achmed has been able to successfully hold on to my attention for nearly a year now.
and so, you just HAVE to consider achmed seriously.
he is probably the only person i like dead.
(oh, wait. no. there are quite a few other people who i would prefer dead too)
i don't understand why no one gives him the importance he deserves.
i mean, where else would you find a terrorist who makes people go "oh damn! you are *bwahahahahdfg*?
you NEED to check this man out.
i know you haven't
don't lie.
which brings me back to why i am making this post.
well, i never really did get to the point.
but, that is not the point.
this post is to spread awareness about achmed.
for weeks, i have been all over the place shouting "i kill you".
some shout back the same.
others think i am some red-orange plutonian caught in mars.
to those others, watch brilliance unfold.
i wish they made men like him.
there would at least be something to look forward too.
*sigh*
okay.
i don't know what to write anymore.
i could shout and hurl obscenities at you for not loving achmed.
but then again, i am told that i am a good girl.
i don't quite want to spoil that image.
*sigh*
so, for now, bow.
okay.
so this is another shut-the-fuck-up-soumi blog post.
i will rant and rage and poop and shit.
and you will read this post, no matter what.
no, that statement was not a threat.
that was the way i summarise normal human behaviour.
you are anticipating an extremely interesting and engaging post.
and just so that you know, you are not allowed to shout at me and curse me if you end up hating yourself for reading this.
i know i will.
but yes, i shall not tolerate any kind of obscenity on this page.
this is MY blog.
i make the rules.
however, i am allowed to break the rules myself.
but that is not the point.
the point is that you need to be on your best behaviour.
something you could never get yourself to do when you were in school.
or anywhere else, for that matter.
so, be good.
be very, very good.
*sigh*
now comes the difficult part.
what am i exactly writing about?
nothing in particular.
people are actually taking the pain to set up bombs at strategic areas and cause national turmoil.
what the *beep*?!
its easier to blow up those ruddy good-for-nothing politicians, you know?
you'd even get to become a national hero that way.
did you even think about it?
okay.
so.
what if i get blown up tomorrow morning?
what if?
my mum will cry until she faints.
she'll regain consciousness and again cry until she faints.
that is a never ending cycle.
i am not quite sure what my dad will do.
he might cry.
or he might just stare at my corpse in disbelief.
and my sister?
oh, don't even get me started on that.
what about you?
you might laugh at first.
and then go "wait, what? no. are you serious?"
and after that, i shall let you do what you want to do.
but yes, try executing the opening scene properly.
after that, its an open script.
now, i just realised that i need to leave behind a piece of goodbye letter or some shit like that.
so yes, if i die, just read this out to the world.
keep a dharna or a candle march or something appropriate.
*ahem ahem*
yes, so, i would like to thank my mommy dearest for having brought me up the way she did.
and also for having the patience to bear with me after having brought me up the way she did.
i would like to thank dad for gifting me the "my dad is my atm" t-shirt and living by it.
and also for being the coolest dad ever.
(no, my dad is The Coolest.)
i would like to thank my sister for being my punchbag for so many years.
and kicking my arse when i needed it.
i would like to thank mashi and bubun da for giving me all the bellyaches i got after the afternoon PJ sessions.
i would like to thank my guitars for being mine.
i would like to thank my friends for befriending me.
and also for not running away.
i would like to thank microsoft giving us IE.
and the mozilla guys for giving us mozilla.
i would like to thank an idiot for listening to me when i needed him to.
i would like to thank adobe photoshop for showing me my "creative" side.
i would like to thank my pen for not running out of ink during my JUDE entrance exam.
i would like to thank JUDE for being so brilliant.
i would like to thank everyone at JUDE for being so uber brilliant.
i would like to thank vodafone for coming up with such great call plans.
i would like to thank nokia for giving me my phone.
i would like to thank jim morrison for being my god.
i would like to thank jimi hendrix, al di meola and bb king for being more than gods.
i would like to thank the air around my place for being clean enough for me to breathe.
i would like to thank all my blog readers for having survived all that i write.
and FINALLY, i would like to thank myself for no particular reason at all.
phew.
so, if i die tomorrow, please tell my family that i loved them.
and maybe you too.
i am not too sure.
*sigh*
see.
there was no reason why you should have wasted so much time.
no reason at all.
hope you had a good laugh.
i did.
HAH.
there are times when i surprise myself.
i really do.
the are times when i have said extremely intelligent and nice and "smart" things.
and later, i end up thinking whether i really said that.
but that is not the point.
the point is that i am the one who said all of that.
in my senses.
see.
i really could not have been under a state of intoxication because i am an idiot who doesn't smoke, drink or dope.
yes, laugh.
so, as i was saying, i surprise myself.
i really do, you know.
i think i'll show you how.
and no, they are not supposed to make sense.
you are just expected to read, raise your eyebrows and applaud.
if the world was to make sense
life would be but another wasted cause.
but life seems a little bit more than that little bit less
and i, the echoing applause.
i let go of you.
i just decided to infiltrate your mind,
so that you can't leave me behind.
you are here my friend,
right in front of me.
the booze is over
and so is she.
and there you stand,
all good and bright.
happy and content,
the way i like.
okay.
this is the post where i shall sound very unlike myself.
HOWEVER, what follows is very me.
yes.
please take me seriously.
just this once.
it was the 15th of august yesterday.
and i know that you don't really care much.
but i do.
I Day gets me all excited and goosey, that is to say that i get goosebumps.
and i like it.
i like feeling all pathetic and teary all day.
it helps me realise what i am all about.
but i don't really see why people don't want to see things the way i do.
they rant and rage about how they want the perfect country and brilliant shit but they don't really open their eyes and see that that is how things are.
you talk about ignorance?
HOW can we be ignorant if we all have some amount of knowledge of how things are and how things should be?
you know.
i know.
they know.
we all know.
but we still say that NO ONE CARES.
sheesh.
grow up.
people care.
its just that you are too blind to see it.
i know that my country has flaws.
but they aren't that big either.
and it is very much fixable.
you say that today's youth is straying.
that we are not "indians" anymore.
we know, and we care more than any one of you could have ever cared.
i have hope.
and faith.
and i want everyone else to have faith.
on themselves.
and on the country.
the moment that is gone, we are gone as a nation.
i love my land.
and i want everyone else to love it the same way.
i know they do.
but i want everyone to love it as something more than a debate topic.
i know that this one blog post can't change anything.
but i had to post.
i just knew i had to.
*sigh*
...this land is brighter than the brightest star in the sky
it is a pity that you are blind...
broken dreams,
glued together.
only if you saw beyond the cracks painted on them.
...and i will try and fix you...
I am drifting away,
running,
I am falling into this deep, dark abyss.
Won't you hold on to what's left of me?
The fading echo of me that still lingers in this hollow nothingness?
I am becoming but an empty shell,
I have lost faith.
I am now a girl with strained beliefs.
With unanswered questions.
I am now an organised mess.
You are becoming fainter still,
And I, more disillusioned than before.
Mute you stand there flanked by them,
Alone I stand here not knowing where to go.
I am but a lost soul at sea,
tossed by the waves of science and discovery.
They pull me further away from you, my shore,
and pushes me towards that land unknown.
I have always found the need of you,
the need for that eternal ray of hope.
I have always found me wanting you,
that reassuring Faith,
the need to feel life in my core.
A half-devilish laugh escapes you,
You stare at me knowingly.
And smile.
I realise.
You have been inside me all along,
too clever to respond.
I cried and wailed for what I thought I had lost.
You silently hugged me and kept me warm.
Reunited, I stand now with you by my side.
The shadows of oblivion have shown me the light.
The birds sing again and the buds now flower,
and I have sense of you again,
oh! Faith, rediscovered.
would you care to say that you are there,
or would you silently slip that shoulder under my cheek?
would you do all that you can to give me strength,
or carefully hold me when i am weak?
...when the bubbles die out,
the booze shall take over...
you are searching for a lost reason,
a drowsy numbness pains.
would angels live tonight
with cocaine and mary jane?
if you could feel that joy within you,
you shall know that life is here.
and if you are grappling in the dark,
know that hope is near.
...and when hope is gone and battles are lost,
you shall find me as the smile still etched on your face...
[[to one of the nicest friends i have...sorry if you thought i was being distant...i really didn't mean to.]]
Okay.
I lost my last three blogs to my memory.
That is to say, I forgot the password to my old id.
And no, it was not my regular gmail id.
It was a different one altogether.
Damn me, I tell you.
So yes, this is my new one.
And yes, I shall blog more frequently now so that I don't forget my password.
Not that I didn't blog frequently before.
Its just that deviantArt came in the way.
(that reminds me....the url is blackhearttintedred.deviantart.com)
I actually wrote a lot of things during my I-don't-remember-how-long hiatus.
So it shall take me quite some time to actually post all of that down.
No, I wont post anything else RIGHT NOW.
I'm just feeling very sleepy.
(It is 1.05 in the afternoon, if you are curious.)
I shall do it sometime later.
So keep checking back, if you want to.
Yes, I am finally in college.
And I have finally managed to shut a lot of people up.
And this also means that I have finally grown up, but no body seems to be agreeing with me on this point.
Darn!
But the point is that I HAVE come a long way over the last one year.
Mentally, emotionally, spiritually....I have grown.
I am not that stupid whining little teenager anymore.
To think of it, I was actually an idiot a year back.
Damn me, again!
And I shall stop now.
I am bored already.
Cheers.
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